Episode 3: A Picturesque Slab of Concrete

Episode 3 arrives. Behold: A Picturesque Slab of Concrete. This is the RE talent show. A bunch of characters stop by the studio to perform. Among the highlights:

  • Our sensitive singer-songwriter, Philip Jenkins, sings about love. Who would have guessed?
  • Frank assumes the role of Central Scrutinizer.
  • Tad interviews Seamus and Sean Patrick from Niagara Cadabra. The band plays a sea shanty of phallic proportions.
  • Proposition 487: It all seemed so simple.
  • Guests of Radio Encendido stay at Lucky Trousers Motor Lodge. 
  • Fritter Hampton performs his classic song “Do You Feel Like a Donut?” The crowd goes wild. Then rock and roll dies.
  • Liston does feel like a donut. He just can’t get his hands on one.
  • Leon receives an angry phone call from Hagatha the Closure-dactyl. 
  • Cody Duckwater sings a spaghetti Western about alien abduction.
  • Gongs, gongs, gongs.
  • Frank interviews the Vagetarians. Chaos ensues.
  • Liston’s band stops by to perform “Public Radio Is Funky.”
  • The employees of Super Mega Guitar Universe Las Vegas play us out.
  • Cortez and Nugget sweep up.

This show first aired Saturday, August 3, 2019.

Full Transcript

1. “Delicious Wishes,” by Philip Jenkins

Studio Cat: Meow.

Philip Jenkins: My name is Philip Jenkins? And this is a love song that I wrote?

Studio Cat: Meow.

Philip: About love? So, um, here goes.

Studio Cat: Meow.

Philip:

Love                             

Secret and delicious

You’re the woman of my wishes

[Gong]

Philip: Oh.

Studio Cat: Meow.

Frank Covington: This is no way to begin the Radio Encendido talent show. While you may just hear a bad singer, I hear the sound of people changing the station. Is there anyone out there with any actual talent?

 

2. Newsbreak 1

Tad Grundle: This is Tad Grundle . . . uh, Grund-lay—Hey!—with a Radio Encendido newsbreak. Here are the top stories we’re working on at this hour: 

·      Proposition 487 unites people from both sides of the aisle.

·      And . . . we’ll hear from a group of plucky seven-year-olds who are studying guitar.

·      Also, kittens: What are they good for?

·      And . . . is a flesh-eating bacterium invading our water supply, threatening human life as we know it?

I’ve got all the details tonight at eleven, only on Radio Encendido News.

3. Tad Interviews Niagara Cadabra 

Tad: Joining me now are Seamus and Sean Patrick from the band Niagara Cadabra. Hey, fellas.

Sean Patrick: Hi, Tad.

Seamus: Big fan of your work.

Tad: Of course. We’re glad to have you. This is a big time for Niagara Cadabra, right? You have a new record coming out.

Sean Patrick: That’s right. In the past, we’ve written a lotsa songs about drinkin’ and fightin’. Now we’re really pushin’ ourselves artistically.

Seamus: This time we’ve also written a bunch of songs about gals and boats. We’re very proud of the record. It’s called Any Port Will Do.

Tad: Ooh. Batten my hatches.

Seamus: If ya like what ya hear—[drinks, drinks, belches]—you can catch us at the Irish Center. We’ll be there this Friday. 

Sean Patrick: And Saturday.

Seamus: And if you’re busy this weekend, we’ll be there again next weekend.

Sean Patrick: We’ll be at the Irish Center pretty much every weekend for the rest of our lives.

Seamus: It’s not like us to turn down free Guinness.

Sean Patrick: Or sixty-five bucks—each.

Tad: Sixty-five big ones for tickling your strings? Wowza. This song you’re going to play us, “The Virga,” it’s really a celebration of the masculine essence. Wouldn’t you say?

Sean Patrick: Em . . . I suppose that’s one way you could put it.

Tad: Fabulicious. Here they are: Niagara Cadabra.

Seamus: [Away from mic] Ready, lads?

Niagara Cadabra: Aye!

Seamus: One, two, tree.

 

4. “The Virga,” by Niagara Cadabra

I see ya standin’ at the docks a-wavin’ out your hand

Lovely ladies line up for to meet a sailorman

No need to push or fight, lass; there’s time for one and all

And when we thrust into your port, we’re sure to have a ball

 

Everybody wants to know about this sailin’ life

Ya must give up your house, and ya must give up your wife

The wages aren’t so great, but we garner many a tale

And when the husbands come a-runnin’, well, it’s time for settin’ sail

 

Chorus 1

In and out of port

From one harbor to the next

The gals who keep a secret

Are the gals that we like best

We’ve sailed the seven seas,

And we’ve crossed the ocean blue

And if you fancy seamen,

Then we got the boat for you

 

All right, boys

Swab the poop deck

Let’s raise the mast

Hold on to something

(Heave, ho)

There’s a swell a-comin’

(Heave, ho)

Raise it up

A little more

(Heave, ho)

Higher

Just the tip

(Heave, ho)

That’s it

There she blows

 

Climb aboard the Virga

Gang: Tis a mighty sailing ship

Stocked with whiskey barrels

Gang: And a penicillin drip

Rocephin piled high

Gang: And azithromycin too

And once I get meself cleared up

Gang: I’m comin’ for you

 

We ready for the night, and we push off from the shore

Guided by a walloping compass always pointed north

Aye, the sailin’ life, boys, driftin’ wild and free

From Callao to Singapore you’ll find kids who look like me

 

Chorus 2

In and out of town

From one nation to another

We’ve known a lot of girls

And we’ve turned them into mothers

We’ve sailed the seven seas,

And we’ve crossed the ocean blue

And if you fancy seamen,

Then we got the boat for you

 

Chorus 3

In and out of port

From one harbor to the next

The gals who keep a secret

Are the gals that we like best

We’ve sailed the seven seas,

And we’ve crossed the ocean blue

And if you fancy seamen,

Then the Virga is for you

 

Yeah, if you fancy seamen,

Then the Virga is for you

 

Gord McDonald: “Free Bird!” [Runs outside, puking]

 

5. Spots 1 

TG: Radio Encendido is brought to you by . . .

 

6. The Stop and Park and Fill Your Cart, 1: Love Lost

Eugene Chapman: The Stop and Park and Fill Your Cart and Pay and Leave.

Everybody has loved and lost. It’s just a fact of life. At the Stop and Park and Fill Your Cart and Pay and Leave, we can’t reunite you with the one who got away. But we do have a whole lot of food you can eat. That will bring you temporary solace from those feelings of emptiness and sorrow, regret and unworthiness.

Food like . . . sausage potpie; barbeque pork rinds; vintage deep-fried mayonnaise balls; sea-salt whole milk; cracked-pepper vinegar cannoli; whipped-lard ice cream; succulent chitlins; month-old croissants; pickled goat liver; frozen deconstructed pizza hexagons; Sultry Earl’s buttermilk lemon sandwiches; licorice rib-eye; smoked moth-ball pâté; burnt butterless toast; sautéed beanie; soggy, grease-filled elephant ears—which aren’t actually elephant ears but are still soggy and grease filled; gluten-free, sugar-free, nutless boiled tarantula cookies; funless unfunneled cakes; freeze-dried lady fingers—which aren’t actually ladies’ fingers but are frozen and dried.

You name it. We’ve got it. Best of all, we’re open twenty-four hours. We’d never turn our backs on you.

The Stop and Park and Fill Your Cart and Pay and Leave: because eating makes you feel better—for now.

The Stop and Park Singers: You should have told her how you felt.

 

7. Tyler Taylor’s Landscaping 

TG: And by Tyler Taylor’s Landscaping.

Tyler Taylor: Hey, me and my friend can make your yard look, like, really good . . . for three dollars?

 

8. Proposition 487: Pro 

TG: And by Citizens for Proposition Four-Eighty-Seven.

In these uncertain and divisive times, it’s comforting to know there’s something we can all get behind—and that something is Proposition Four-Eighty-Seven.

Prisha Umeria Shravya: Any real American would vote yes for Proposition Four-Eighty-Seven.

Maombi: Nowadays, people just fight over politics—not like before, when we all agreed on what was best for the country. It’s time for a better way. It’s time for Proposition Four-Eighty-Seven.

Boris: I’m natural born follower. I feel better about myself when I’m part of big group of people who tell me what to do. I love Proposition Four-Eighty-Seven. I vote one time. Ah. I vote two times. Ah, ah. I vote all times. Ah, ah, ah.

Diwata: I’m voting yes for Proposition Four-Eighty-Seven. For our childrens. For our country. For a better tomorrow.

Hagatha the Closure-dactyl: Leon!

TG: Paid for by Citizens for Proposition Four-Eighty-Seven.

 

9. Lucky Trousers Motor Lodge, 1: Hate Yourself 

Delilah: Guests of Radio Encendido stay at Lucky Trousers Motor Lodge, voted the dirtiest room in Las Vegas. You can stay all night, but why would you?

Lucky Trousers: You’ll hate yourself, and so will we.

[Whip crack]

 

10. Liston Interviews Fritter Hampton 

Liston McDermott: This is Liston McDermott, and I am here with a true rock and roll legend: Mr. Fritter Hampton.

Fritter Hampton:

Liston: Aw, I knew you was gonna say that. Also joining us is Fritter’s tour manager . . .

Gar Gargle: Mm. Gar.

Liston: Mm. Gar.

Gar: Mm. Gar Gargle.

Liston: OK. Well, when I think of a timeless recording—a real document of a moment in rock and roll history—I always think of your amazing concert record, Hampton Crumbs Alive.

Fritter:

Gar:

Liston: One recurring theme on the record is pastries. How they’re good. And tasty. And decadent.

Fritter:

Gar:

Liston: I suppose you probably have a lot of them on your tour bus. You know . . . éclairs, crullers, maybe donut holes?

Fritter:

Gar:

Liston: Oh right, yeah, sure, but I mean . . . I suppose I was . . . I was just askin’ for my niece. She’s writin’ a paper on them, and I think it would be informative if, um, she could see one up close. I mean, I could even take it to her. You know? There won’t be any problems.

Fritter: . . .

Liston: Now you’re on tour again, and you’re playing Hampton Crumbs Alive in its entirety. That must be very exciting for you, donut-free and all.

Fritter:

Gar:

Liston: All right. Ladies and gentlemen, here to play his classic song “Do You Feel Like a Donut,” Radio Encendido is proud to present the one, the only Fritter Hampton.

 

11. “Do You Feel Like A Donut?” by Fritter Hampton 

Do you feel

Do you feel

Like a donut, baby?

That’s all right

That’s all right

Like a donut

 

We had a good time

We had a donut

We had some donuts, baby

We had some donuts

 

Donuts

My donuts

Eat my donuts tonight, baby

 

Help me

Oh won’t you help me?

Oh won’t you help me?

 

Do you feel like a donut?

Do you feel like a donut?

 

Cletus O’Swamply: “Free Bird!”

 

12. Angry Phone Call from a Pterodactyl

PM: Radio Encendido presents “Angry Phone Call from a Pterodactyl.”

[Phone rings]

Leon: Hey, this is Leon.

Hagatha the Closure-dactyl: Leon! 

Leon: Uh. You gotta stop . . . you can’t . . . you gotta stop calling.

Hagatha the Closure-dactyl: Leon!

Leon: You gotta move on. It’s been like fourteen years.

Hagatha the Closure-dactyl: Leon!

Leon: It feels like an ice age.

Hagatha the Closure-dactyl: Leon!

Leon: Look: we’re not getting back into Tijuana. I gotta go.

Hagatha the Closure-dactyl: Leo—

PM: This has been “Angry Phone Call from a Pterodactyl.”

Hagatha the Closure-dactyl: Closure!

 

13. Newsbreak 2 

Tad: This is Tad Grund-lay with a Radio Encendido newsbreak. Here are the top stories we’re working on at this hour:

·      Bloodshed and chaos as protesters clash over Proposition Four-Eight-Seven.

·      And . . . mauve, chartreuse, fuchsia: What do these words mean?

·      Also, the tomato: fruit or vegetable? We’ll take a closer look at an issue ripe for debate.

·      But wait. There’s more. Connecticut: our fifth state—or a sinister conspiracy? We’ll hear from one group of concerned citizens who insist Connecticut does not exist and is certainly flat.

All that and more, tonight at—is that a piece of corn in my ear? No. Well, it sounds like corn. No, it’s nothing—eleven, only on Radio Encendido News.

 

14. Sam Interviews Cody Duckwater

Liston: Hey, Sam, your interview is waiting.

Sam Samson: My interview? Someone wants to interview yours truly?

Liston: Well, no. I mean your interviewee is waiting. It’s Cody Duckwater.

Sam: Uh, Cody Duckwater you say. I didn’t know I was supposed to speak with anyone.=

Sam: Uh, Cody Duckwater you say. I didn’t know I was supposed to speak with anyone.

Liston: And I thought I was gonna get a donut. You remember that weird UFO guy who sued the . . . UFO? Yeah, he’s out there. His band too.

Sam: Oh. OK. Well, here goes.

Cody: And what do you suppose I saw on my windshield? A ticket. For parking in one of them there handicapped squares. I am mentally handicapped, and I got the court documents to prove it. I’m gonna find that meter fairy and—

Sam: Uh, excuse me. Um . . .

Cody: Shut your face hole. [To the band] One, dos, tres.

 

15. “The Legend of Skeet Pritineer,” by Cody Duckwater

Cody:

This is a tale about my dog, Mr. Skeet Pritineer

Unplug yer telly, and y’all listen here

Them thumb-skulled aliens’ tractor beams went trespassin’ on mah easement

They scooped me up and left poor ol’ Skeet behind with nuthin’ but leftover vittles and mah backhoe for many a fortnight

Scrub Canyon Singers:

Ol’ Skeet was only skin and bones

When the light came, he was alone

Standing taller than most men know

Now his collar rests down below

Cody:

What in the smarmy tabernacle of soggy taquitos is a-goin’ on?

Where did those other fellers’ voices come from?

Thissuns my story to tell, you guineas! 

Don’t you sing about ol’ Skeet Pritineer!

He wuz mah Wheel of Fortune pardner!

Skeet: Arf

Scrub Canyon Singers:

That welfare check, it did not come

There was no grub for ol’ Skeet’s tum

When that TV static did rise,

So did ol’ Skeet, up to the skies 

Hoo

Haa

Cody:

Wait just a gol’derned instant here!

I told y’all to get off my premises

Quit yer quippin’ on ol’ Skeet!

Wait, uh, hold on just a wink. There wuz an extra check got signed? 

Scrub Canyon Singers:

Now ol’ Skeet was way up above

But no owner was spoken of

As they returned him to his home,

Aliens sat Skeet on their throne

Cody:

Tarnation ’n toad hackles!

That’s me they’re singin’ about! Then whose ribs was these?

Get yer own melody, you cactus waffles!

I’ll dial up mah lawyer!

Lady Justice’s wallet knows no limits!

Scrub Canyon Singers:

The aliens had their new king

Benevolence with canine bling

Much wiser than that haggard tool

Skeet was the leader taken to 

Cody:

You ramshackle disembodied varmint huggers!

How dare you do a key change on me?

I ain’t haggard! I’ll find you ’n fisti-yer-cuffs!

You just wait ’til I fire up mah new hemi! 

Scrub Canyon Singers:

Ha, ha! You cannot get to us

We were installed in your noggin

By King Skeet’s mandate, you loser

Also we have your welfare check

Cody:

That last one didn’t even rhyme, you pickled goat’s teats!

I’m comin’ up there

Scrub Canyon Singers:

[Laughter]

Overlord Skeet freed us from rhymes

We think we’ll take up the haiku

Cody:

You can’t stop mah song without my consent! I’ll sue y’all again!

Scrub Canyon Singers:

Ha, ha, you can’t. Double jeopardy

[Gong] 

Skeet: Arf

Cody: You can’t gong me. What’s goin’ on in this place? I paid some good money . . .

Frank: In a word . . . no.

Cody: Get your hands off me, you jackrabbit snugglin’, varmit huggin’ . . . come on. I got three more hours with this band. Oh lord.

 

16. Southwest Haiku Workshop: Work 

Sam: And now a reading from Southwest Haiku Workshop. This week: work.

Chuck Tinkler: This is “The Urine Recycler.”

Recycling urine

Become a doctor, Ma said

But look at me now

[Rainstick]

Dusty Slade: This is “Make Tracks.”

All the livelong day

Been working on the railroad

And now I’m thirsty

[Rattle]

Clarence Proctor: This is “The Dentist.”

Teeth yearn to be drilled

Preclude cavities or else

Chair straps will be locked

[Power drill]

Joe Lackawanna: This is “The Job.”

Work: that’s what you do

When nobody will pay you

To do what you love

[Frog güiros]

Guy Remington: This is “Rodeo Clown.”

In barrels I hide

El toro hunts my abode

Psych degree wasted

[Cajón]

Frank Covington: This is Frank Covington, formerly of Radio Encendido News, and this is “Resignation.”

For years I worried

About every little word

Then I said, “I quit.”

 

17. “Abandoned by Love,” by Philip Jenkins 

Philip: Abandoned by love

[Gong]

Frank: Mr. Jenkins, I have already gonged you once. Stop playing your guitar. 

Philip: Oh.

Frank: Not just now but forever.

 

18. Frank Interviews the Vagetarians 

Frank: Our Radio Encendido talent show continues. Joining us now are—

Flora Borealis: Flora Borealis.

Labias Maximus: And I’m Labias Maximus.

Frank: Oh dear. And your band is . . . uh, our next band is called . . .

Flora: The Vagetarians.

Frank: [Clears throat]

Labias: We are the Vagetarians, and we’ve come to destroy the patriarchy and everything associated with it.

Flora: Including this radio station.

Frank: I see. And how long have you been a band?

Labias: Five weeks.

Flora: And I just wanna make it clear right now that we’re only answering these questions because we want to.

Labias: Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Flora: Not because you have any power or influence over us whatsoever.

Labias: Mm-hm. Because you don’t.

Frank: Right. Well—

Labias: [Mocking] “Right, well” . . . you want to know how we got into music. I used to be a poet, but I found with music I can inflict my poetry on way more people.

Flora: And I’m not gonna tell you how I got into music because it’s none of your damn business.

Labias: So today we’re gonna play one of our biggest hits.

Seamus: [Away from mic] Oh, please. You ain’t got no hits. Oh.

Niagara Cadabra: [Laughs]

Labias: What?

Flora: What did you say? What did you say to me?

Labias: Come here and say it to our face.

Niagara Cadabra: Oooh.

Seamus: I said . . . [Walks up to mic] . . . I said you ain’t got no hits. Not one. Show us your hits.

Niagara Cadabra: Show us your hits! Show us your hits!

Frank: This is Frank Covington with Radio Encendido News. Niagara Cadabra is heckling the . . . um, the punk band.

Flora: [Breaks bottle] Oh, we’ll show you some hits, fat boy.

Labias: Get ’em!

[Melee erupts]

Flora: One, two, three, four!

 

19. “If You Don’t Love My Pussycat,” by the Vagetarians

If you wanna be my girl,

Let’s get one thing straight

You gotta get on all fours

After every date

 

Chorus 1

If you don’t love my pussy cat,

There’s nothing more to say

You can pack your bag

And be on your way

 

You can say I’m the cat lady

You can call me names

You can tell everyone you know I’ve got

Toxoplasma on the brain

 

Chorus 2

But if you don’t love my pussy cat,

There’s nothing more to say

You can pack your bag

And be on your way

 

Chorus 3

If you can’t make her purr,

There’s nothing more to tell

I hope she claws your eyeballs

And, baby, you can go to hell

Aaaaahhhhhhh!

 

20. Spots 2 

Lucky Trousers Motor Lodge, 2: Cockroaches

Delilah: Guests of Radio Encendido stay at Lucky Trousers Motor Lodge, situated on a picturesque slab of concrete on East Fremont Street in historic downtown Las Vegas.

Lucky Trousers features hourly rates, one TV channel, and a wide variety of cockroaches. And every room has a fluorescent light bulb that emits a sixty-cycle hum.

Get lucky at Lucky Trousers Motor Lodge, voted the filthiest room in Las Vegas.

You know you want to.

[Zip]

[Siren, motorcycle]

 

TG: Radio Encendido is brought to you by . . .

 

21. The Stop and Park and Fill Your Cart and Pay and Leave, 2: Online Looting

Eugene: The Stop and Park and Fill Your Cart and Pay and Leave. We were the first supermarket to offer online shopping. Just place your order and come on in to pick it up. Now we’re leading the way again. At the Stop and Park, we’re proud to offer online looting.

That’s right: in the event of civil unrest, race war, or extraterrestrial invasion, just use our handy mobile app to tell us which items you would like to steal from our store. When it all blows over, we’ll deliver your bounty. It’s just that easy.

No need for tire irons or messy Molotov cocktails. No need to inhale teargas or run off for sutures. Simply leave us alone, and we’ll appease you with alcohol, cigarettes, and scratch-off lottery tickets—or a three-pound brisket. Whatever you want. Just leave us alone and it’s yours.

Online looting, with our new app, the Cease and Desist and Drop Your Crowbars and Go Home and Take a Xanax and Sleep . . . another first from your friends at the Stop and Park and Fill Your Cart and Pay and Leave.

After all, we are friends, aren’t we?

The Stop and Park Singers: We’re only frightened if you’re armed.

 

22. Proposition 487: Con 

TG: You’d have to be an utter and complete mouth-breathing, scum-sucking scumbag moron to vote yes for Proposition Four-Eight-Seven.

Prisha Umeria Shravya: Any real American would vote no for Proposition Four-Eight-Seven.

Maombi: Nowadays, people just fight over politics—not like before, when we all agreed on what was best for the country. It’s time for a better way. It’s time to defeat Proposition Four-Eight-Seven.

Boris: I’m natural born follower. I feel better about myself when I’m part of big group of people who tell me what to do. I hate Proposition Four-Eight-Seven. I vote no times.

Diwata: Proposition Four-Eight-Seven threatens all that we as Americans hold sacred. It will bring an end not only to our great nation but to human life everywhere—and to most aardvarks.

TG: Paid for by Citizens to defecate on Proposition Four-Eight-Seven.

 

23. The Winner Is 

Tad: All right, everyone, it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for: today’s big, juicy winner of the Radio Encendido talent show. Destinee, the envelope, please.

[Destinee walks across the studio]

Niagara Cadabra: [Cat calls]

Frank: All right, Niagara Cadabra. That will be enough of that. The drumroll, please.

[Snare roll]

Frank: The winner of the Radio Encendido talent show is . . . ha, ha, they should make these easier to open . . . and the winner is . . . Canty Jonelocker.

Crowd: [Boos, protests]

Frank: Ah, yes, well, Canty Jonelocker did not appear on today’s show but is still far more talented than the losers who did.

Crowd: [Boos, protests]

Frank: This concludes our—

Crowd: [Raspberry]

Frank: This concludes our Radio Encendido talent—

Liston: [Clears throat]

Frank: . . . talent show—

Liston: [Clears throat]

Frank: What is it now?

Liston: [Clears throat]

Sam: Uh, Liston, is everything OK there, buddy?

Liston: Well, I was just thinking maybe I could sing a little song today for everyone.

Sam: Oh. Sing a song?

Liston: Just a little bit, yeah.

Sam: Oh. I didn’t know you were musically . . . you have talents beyond just radio and arm wrestling?

Liston: I dabble. I dabble with the musical arts, and I just, I brought a few . . . just some friends along.

Sam: Oh.

Liston: Maybe play, play a little bit of something for you guys.

Sam: Why, this would be delightful.

Liston: Oh, right. Well, I mean, if you’re asking, that’s . . . OK, sure. Uh, fellas, maybe line it up here. Let’s go.

 

24. “Public Radio Is Funky,” by Steam Pistons and the Rowdy Crowd

Huh, two, hit me

Get up

Jump on back

And hit me in my face

Woo

Right in my face

It’s the Rowdy Crowd

Rowdy Crowd: Yeah

 

Public radio is funky

The Jaetones: Ooh

Ira Glass is funky

The Jaetones: Ooh

Robert Siegel is funky

The Jaetones: Ooh

With the Click and Clack

Gonna watch your back

 

Terry Gross, so funky

The Jaetones: She’s funky

Ira Flatow is funky

The Jaetones: He’s funky

Audie Cornish is funky

The Jaetones: Funky, funky

Sarah Vowell, so funky

 

Tad Grundle

Tad: Hey

Is funky

The Jaetones: Oh so funky

Tad: Funky

Frank Covington is funky

The Jaetones: He’s not funky

Frank: This is Frank Covington. I am not funky.

 

Oh, I’m gonna kiss myself

Shut your mouth

So nasty

 

Hey, Rowdy Crowd

Rowdy Crowd: Yeah

Bring your pistons

We’re going to the bridge

Rowdy Crowd: Yeah

Should we take ’em to the bridge?

Rowdy Crowd: Yeah

Oh, yeah, let’s take ’em to the bridge

Rowdy Crowd: Yeah

 

Bring it on around now

Bridge

 

Lift from your knees

The Jaetones: Do the squats

Not at your waist

The Jaetones: No back pain

Take a three-day weekend

The Jaetones: Staycation

Jump on up

The Jaetones: Get on down

And break the bricks

The Jaetones: Flower power

 

Oww

No more Mondays

 

The Jaetones: So wrong it’s right . . .

 

So wrong it’s right

So wrong

Just hit me in my face

The Jaetones: In the face

Punch me in my teeth

The Jaetones: In the teeth

Hit me in my ass

The Jaetones: In the ass

 

Ricky Arnaz on the timbales

[Ricky laughs]

 

Get up on that sexy train

Sexy, funky train

Public radio

The Jaetones: Public radio

Is a train

The Jaetones: Is a train

Give that funky drummer some

The Jaetones: Choo choo

Woo

 

Marlon Simmons on the saxophone

What a filthy beast

If you know what I mean

 

Jump back

Come up on it

Push on back

Come on it

 

Rowdy Crowd: Aww

 

Public radio

The Jaetones: Public radio

Is a funky train

The Jaetones: It’s a train

Right across your brain

The Jaetones: Choo choo

 

Public radio

The Jaetones: Public radio

Is a funky train

The Jaetones: Move out the way

Right across your brain

The Jaetones: It’s a funky train, choo choo

[Crowd cheers]

Dougie Keats: Is it possible to have too much fun?

PM: Ha.

 

25. Closing Credits

PM: This has been Radio Encendido, episode 3: A Picturesque Slab of Concrete.

TG: Radio Encendido is written and performed by T. G. LaFredo—

PM: and Paul Metaxas . . . with special guests . . .

The Studio Cat: Meow.

Leanne Pettit: Vocals.

Jaelyn Denise: Vocals.

Lyanna LaFredo: Voices.

Sophia Rashkin: Voices.

Sonny Lamson: Piano.

Buttons: Arf.

Carlos Mata-Alvarez: Saxophone.

TG: You can find us at Radio Encendido dot com.

PM: That’s radio E-N-C-E-N-D-I-D-O dot com.

TG: You can also find us on social media, in taco shops, and on the sides of milk cartons.

PM: Special thanks to the employees of Super Mega Guitar Universe, Las Vegas (Vegas, Vegas), who wrote and performed the music you’re listening to right now. 

    

26. Stinger: Cortez and Nugget

Nugget: Well, at least they didn’t talk as much as they did in the last episode.

Cortez: Look what we got instead. It’s not like the music was any good.

Nugget: Ugh. Somebody puked over here.

Cortez: We better check that leprechaun for a pulse.

Nugget: Howsabout we check for his wallet instead?

[Laughter]

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